You don’t get to my age without losing a few people. I lost my parents and friends through sickness and accidents. I have been involved with rescues. I thought I had a pretty good understanding of what death was. But when I lost my wife, I was overwhelmed with grief. I realized that we don’t really do dying well in our culture.
We don’t talk about it enough, so we don’t understand it enough.
My wife Karen was diagnosed with terminal cancer in May 2021. We went through a number of treatments and tried to prolong her life as long as we could, but by January 2022, we were out of options. Dr. Valerie Masuda, our cancer specialist at the local hospital, suggested we reach out to Cowichan Hospice. Karen unfortunately died before she could take advantage of Hospice services.
A month after Karen died, I also lost my best friend in life, my brother-in-law who had been in the family for 50 years. Up until his death, there hadn’t been a day that went by that we didn’t talk. He had been my confidant as Karen went through treatment.
As I no longer had that outlet and confidant, I reached out to Cowichan Hospice for grief support and was connected with volunteer Jim. While it was not the same, it was still healthy and good. I also had some Reiki sessions. I didn’t really understand it or believe in it, but for a curmudgeonly old fart, it was extraordinary—and helpful for me on a mental and personal scale.
Following that, I joined the Grief Group at Hospice. Men don’t always communicate their feelings well, so Grief Group was really magical—an “aha moment” when I realized there were other folks like me. Hearing other people’s stories made me realize I’m not broken, that there is a natural course to things. Each of us had different journeys.
The biggest thing is that Hospice gives you a chance just to talk. It doesn’t necessarily mean you understand it any better. You can just talk without any judgement, without any quick fixes, without being told to just “do this or learn this skill.”
I can’t speak highly enough about how Hospice has supported me. I’m still struggling, but I can see the difference from where I was a year ago to where I am now. It sounds a little dramatic, but I would be in a far different place if Hospice hadn’t been there.
